Every Atari 7800 Game Reviewed
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The List of Lists


5.0 Perfect
4.5 Excellent
4.0 Very Good
3.5 Good
3.0 Fair
2.5 Weak
2.0 Poor
1.5 Bad
1.0 Terrible
0.5 Atrocious
0.0 Your Mom

Funkmaster V Reviews

7800 Rank: Unranked

Genre Rank: Flight Sim

Awards: None
Um... Please Fly??? Pros: Arcade Mode technically works
Cons: Ridiculously complicated control system/ Ugly Game
Does Anyone Want to Come up to the Cockpit, and Get Sexy With the Pilot? Anyone?

Overview: If you know or care anything about me, you know I can't stand the 7800 flight "simulators". Good lord, what a terrible genre. Looking at this exciting box, we can surmise that a Chopflifter scenario is happening inside of this cartridge: we have to rescue people amid an onslaught of great evil. How thrilling! Nope. This is a lie.
There are no heroics in this game. After a few minutes with Super Huey, I discovered that there are no exciting search and rescue sorties, just three modes that don't get much better. I call them: "Stupid Mode", "Give me a Break Mode", and "Good Enough to be a Flash Game Mode".

Graphics: I have so many bad things to say about this category, I have chosen to say all the good things about Super Huey's graphics to save space. The control panel is pretty cool, actually. There is a lot of info that makes little sense, but it looks impressive (buttons, knobs, numbers, shiny things to excite squirrels and dumb dates). I like how there are controls above the windshield (is that what you call it in a helicopter?), and also how you can see below the control panel through the small windshields at your crotch. Crotch windshields...that's pretty much my favorite thing about this game.

Sound: There is nothing I like in this category.

Gameplay: I will break the modes down for my homies who care:

"Stupid Mode"
"Flight School"
This is supposed to teach us how to power up, arm the guns, fuel up, and get off the ground for "Give me a Break Mode". All of those things are so fun to do...I would hate to miss out on "powering up" and "arming guns".... so glad they included that. "Stupid Mode" tells up to power up at the beginning. (Reminds me of 1-800 customer service tech help) It doesn't tell you how, it just tells you to do so. After flipping difficulty switches and hitting buttons for about 15 seconds, the power came on. I have no idea how...but it did. Oops....I turned it off by accident. Dang........press press press flip flip flip....ooops....here it is again. From here, "Stupid Mode" lets us guess the next step. And after a minute of hitting every button and direction on two controllers and the console itself, a magical prompt appeared: "Abort Mission?" Gladly! Good bye, "Stupid Mode."

"Give me a Break Mode"
"Reality Mode"
This mode is actually very true to life. A realistic simulation of holistic truth! I can't get a real helicopter off the ground, nor could I get the 7800 helicopter off the ground! Brilliant simulation!

"Good Enough to be a Flash Game Mode"
"Arcade Mode"
Thankfully, the 7800 helps us get off the ground by lifting us to the sky automatically. While we hover in the air, "evil black helicopters" appear all around and it is our job to blow them all away. Since I never got the hang of flying at the same altitude and moving towards or away from something, I basically spun around in the same spot, firing away at the foes. It was like how I play Asteroids, just with a first person view. You never had to change altitude, the bad guys hung out conveniently at “sight height”. Good thing too, because I don't know how to make this thing do anything but spin in circles. The first game I played, I spent 18 minutes wondering if I was indestructible. Finally, I was knocked out of the air after I scored 227 kills! Not very challenging, eh? Heat seeking missiles and unlimited ammo made this game bearable.

Interpretation: Whoever the geniuses were at Atari and Absolute that kept trying to squeeze flight simulators in 7800 carts with extreme apathy, sucked as employees. Take the time to come up with something that could shine on the system: platformers, puzzle games, beat 'em ups... but not this boring stuff. It's too complicated to get the bird in the air, and at that point in history, nobody cared.

Value: "Good Enough to be a Flash Game Mode" is somewhat decent, and could be fun for a little while if you are that desperate or that bored...but the other two modes are ridiculous.

Overall: Games like these for the Atari 7800 seemed to be everywhere in the 80s, and I'm sure the kids that bought these types of disappointing monstrosities quickly started thinking how to ditch the 7800 for the NES with great haste. The best games (that weren't the classic arcade ports) for this system were rare af. So, if you like 80's flight simulators, this game may tickle your tedious video game funny bone. Seriously, I know a guy that plays flight simulators of regular commercial flights on his PC. He takes off, sits there for 3 hours flying between Chicago to Miami, then lands it. There's no alien attacks, German bi-planes shooting at him, no stewardesses to make out with, no Avengers fight to evade, no hijacking, nor King Kong on a skyscraper to be afraid of. Not even snakes on a motherf*cking plane. Just some turbulence. If you are this guy, (Diamond Dave), you may dig this. If you are not Diamond Dave, you will hate this. I am not Diamond Dave, I am Funkmaster V, and I approve this message.

Other reviews of Ace of Aces:
The Atari Times: 4 out of 10
The Video Game Critic: F

Our Old Score: 3.5 out of 5.0 (Good)

Additional Info: I would like to take this time to thank Mitch Orman, owner of The Atari 7800 Page for allowing the use of his screenshots for this review.