Every Atari 7800 Game Reviewed
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5.0 Perfect
4.5 Excellent
4.0 Very Good
3.5 Good
3.0 Fair
2.5 Weak
2.0 Poor
1.5 Bad
1.0 Terrible
0.5 Atrocious
0.0 Your Mom

Funkmaster V Reviews

7800 Rank: Not Ranked

Genre: Action & Adventure/ Dungeon Crawler

Awards: None
Breathe Deep! Take in the Wonderful Ambiance That is 'Hearty Manslapper!' Pros: One of the Most Insane Games in the 7800 Library
Cons: Full of Glitches/ Boss Battles are Confusing
The First Boss Looks Like a Big, Green, Nerdy...... Disgusting Thing

Overview: Let's just address the elephant in the room. Frankodragon is quite a character. He makes weird 7800 games. He illustrates a cartoon about a cat that looks like Garfield,
but he farts a lot and he's called Garfart. He makes very odd videos on his Youtube channel. VERY odd. So any game I review by Frank is NOT going to be normal. If you are a square... go grab your Galaga cart and hit the door. Frankodragon is actually a guy named Clark Otto, Jr., and listen: Clark is never making you a port of Rampart, Vindicators or A.P.B. for your Prosystem. He makes games like Hearty Manslapper. The manual paints a strange backstory of the guy from "Chicago Basement" (another Frankodragon special) being shrunk down and put into some guy's digestive system over an online argument about a website. The manual even kind of gives up trying to explain what's going on. Hell... I got to the last level and I still don't know what the hell is going on.

Graphics: Trying to grade the graphics in this game is like trying to sing a smell I smelled back in 4th grade. In other words, I don't know how to do it. I mean... the graphics are bad??? But I think they are supposed to be? I think the disgusting Pepto Bismol color scheme of the first board does do a good job of setting the mood for this digestive adventure we are about to embark on. The main character resembles that punk kid from Midnight Mutants, but less detailed. By pressing the left button, my man pulls out his shiv... I mean fork. Flying all around, crazy go nuts style, are evil various food stuffs: Onions, meatballs, apples, what looks like walking cranberry sauce... who knows. Some sprites are better than others. The bosses are deformed, angry and mildly disturbing. The walls look like sliced open parts of the human anatomy. It's bloody disgusting... but it works! There are weird glitches where an image of the protagonist freezes on screen when you leave a room while holding down the left button. This adds the the oddball feel of the game.

Sound: The title screen features a song that sounds like an deranged clown composed it with his feet while shooting heroin in his eyeball. There are accompanying sound effects for the "micro man's" steps, and the combat sounds like what sticking your finger into your ear and fiddling around sounds like. But overall the game is kinda quiet.

Gameplay: If you are familiar with Adventure for the 2600, Dragon's Descent for the 7800, or the Legend of Zelda for the NES... Hearty Manslapper is in the same city as the ballpark... just ain't in the ballpark. HM may be playing a different sport, too. Anyways, we woke up in this guy's guts... and we are trying to get the hell out because.... ewww. We are armed with a fork, I guess to strike PTSD into the undigested food, but to be honest its best to avoid everything. You can attack left or right, but not up... unless you have the knife, and using the blade is a trick. Collision detection is way out of line in this game. Sometimes things hit you that aren't even close, sometimes you stab something and nothing happens, or worse yet, you get hurt. The game is over when you jump down the sphincter, or your health points hit zero. When you die, there is a message on the end screen that I think pertains to this aforementioned online argument involving god knows who about some website I don't know about. Your enemies fly in and off the screen in frantic, yet rigid patterns, however Clark added movement caveats at different levels. For example, on the poopie brown 4th level, the meatball now flies at a diagonal trajectory. Most levels have you navigate the maze looking for a gelatin key (Jesus man, what the hell is a gelatin key?), trying to find friendly food like pie and fried chicken to recover lost hit points, finding the knife power up, and clearing a mucus plug with the key to get somewhere previously blocked. Yum. Boss battles feature unique looking villain foods, and defeating the boss has you witness a disturbing hole open up in the intestinal wall. Time to jump down the tube o fun.

Originality: I really like that Martin Short movie, "Inner Space". It was supposed to be Martin's big breakout movie role but it was a flop. I still dug it. If you think being a tiny person navigating inside a person's body is an interesting trope, you may forgive the game's many sins and have yourself some fun with Hearty Manslapper. I do. To be honest, this game doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it does a great job putting a disgusting, flesh colored paint job on it.

Value: I wish this game kept track of your score, but I guess to Frankodragon, its all about slippin down the poop shoot. The game is challenging at times. Some of this is due to Clark's talent at making games, and some of it is because this thing is glitchy af. I had a hard time trying to decide how to kill the bosses. Sometimes I would kill them almost instantaneously... sometimes I would be in a 5 minute knife fight, not knowing if I was hurting it or not. Then... poof! bad guy dead. Or worse... Funk dead. On the last level, it seemed like every time I walked into a room I would lose 5 HP. I didn't know if this was a clever design... like the "miasma of stink" in the deep recesses of the shameful human body was choking the life out of me, or if I was getting hit by an invisible food, or if the game design was just bad here. There's also a spot where you can stuck and you have to reset the game. I dunno if this was a clever but cheap trick, or another glitch. The upgraded weapon, the knife, is thrown and controlled like Luke Skywalker using the force... if Luke was a little bit inebriated. The control is somewhat counter intuitive as the knife flies around the screen, but again... that's this game's charm.

Overall: Spoiler alert: The last level is board six... we are close to the "end"... and the first thing I see is one of the bad guys is now a sliding poo with a moving mouth. I saw this and jack knifed over in laughter. Hey man... look. Hearty Manslapper is a mess, but its so weird you cant deny its got an odd appeal. Half way in reviewing this game it dawned on me... Clark makes these things for him. If you want to buy one or two... fine. But they are for him. He is the B Movie director of Atari 7800 games. I mean, this is a video game that I think was created out of spite because Clark got into an online argument with someone about a website. So what does Clark do? Put him in someone's ass. You know what? I'm for it. I'm glad I have this game in my collection. Not many people own a copy, but you should try to get one. AND! It's the only game for the Atari 7800 about poop! Oh wait!!! As Master Yoda says................................ there is another...................

Additional Info:

I am working on making the maps and a walkthrough of Hearty Manslapper. Keep checking the "Cheat to Win" section of the website.

To locate Hearty Manslapper or other Frankodragon video games, email him at frankodragon1@yahoo.com