Top 10 Infamous|
Atari 7800 Gameplay Moments
The Atari 7800 library is an uncanny mix of excellent arcade ports, sloppy computer translations, and thier original, quirky games. Along the way, there are a fair share of moments that could shock, surprise, or even disgust a fragile gamer. Here is a smathering of ten favorite infamous moments:
1) That Janitor Just Called Me a MF
One on One Basketball
I'll never forget slamming the rock over "Mr. 2 Inch Vertical" Larry Bird and shattering the backboard to the surprise of everyone in my living room. A testosterone rush of physical dominance rushed through my veins, only to be admonished by this $4 an hour trick who called me everything but a lover of women while sweeping up the glass. DR. J took it like a gentleman. The mouth on that guy!!!
2) Aim For The Bushes
I don't know if there is a more disturbing 8 bit death, that watching a kid fall several stories to his death in what appears to be slo mo. And... there's something pathetic and sad about the kid finally kicking his leg on the way down, like he can do something about his fate. Twisted!!!
3) Mr. Brownstone
There's more roof hijinks to be had with Roof Pooper. I guess one who purchases this game should expect that there would be a fair amount of roofs and poops involved, but seeing it in action is just something to behold. And when the game is over, my favorite losing end screen in the library pops up. "YOU NOW POOP IN JAIL. GAME OVER". That's rich.
4) Implosion Motion, What's Your Potion?
One can assume that Sly from Tower Toppler is a left leaning hippie. I mean... first, he's an animal. Except for those a*hole pigs from that book Animal Farm and some elephants, I would guess that most animals are Democrats. He's saving fish, trying to rid a planet of polluting towers, his weapon of choice is a non-leathal snowball that slides along the ground. So... it is surprising when our little left winger blows up a tower and rides the implosion down to the water like a deranged Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove. For whatever its worth... its a helluva ride.
5) Samson Swerve
Times be hard in the city. A man cannot even raise a flea bitten mutt in peace. Little did we know that the finale of this game would face us with a Batman/ 007-esque do or die psychopath's puzzle. If we fail? OUR DOG Scraps will be sawed in half right in front of us FROM THE BRAIN DOWN. Holy @&^%, is there anything more horrific than that for a kid???
6) Boulevard of Broken Dreams
I love the game of Basketbrawl, but there is something macabre about the game. Imagine if someone walked up behind you to see all of these unconscious/ dead basketball players adorning the court as you practice your lay up drill. "Hi honey! I'm almost done. Simon died."
7) You Done Shot My Arm Clean Oft!
There's quite a few disturbing images in Alien Brigade. US soldiers turning into aliens, civilians being brain washed, 4-armed green monsters exploding out of bikini-clad women. Horrible times indeed. But there's nothing like shooting a guy's arm clean off his shoulder that inspires nervous laughter. His face is priceless: "You Done Shot My Arm Clean Oft!"
8) You Shot Gramps!
While we are going all "silly go nuts" with video game guns, lets not forget the OG when it comes to 7800 hospital visits: Gramps from Barnyard Blaster. Ole Gramps must not have much to live for, because he is awfully close to the targets. I think Gramps is in a bad mental state here. "YOU SHOT GRAMPS!" "Well... no sh*t. I think he wanted it this way..."
9) A Blonde Cheerleader Done Blew Up
I like typing sentences like a redneck when droning on about blowing things up and people getting shot by mistake. In probably the most depressing Atari 7800 cinematic, we race into town with the vaccine the city needs... but depending on how well or bad we did, people will die in the streets and turn into gravestones... because... science. Yep, even the damn blonde cheerleaders with the big boobs are susceptible to spontaneous ka-booms. Those chemical terrorists can be real jerks, ya know?
10) What Did 5 Fingers Say to the Face?
Activision got into the gross act with a blatant display of equal rights while the game was just warming up. Some jerk punches OUR GIRL right in the face and carries her off like its caveman days. As you watch this, you kinda feel this "Well... alright then. My mission is clear. Kill every last mofo in the city" vibe in your gut. You better check my guide located in the "Cheat to Win" section to save her sweet arse and get her to the hospital ASAP.