Every Atari 7800 Game Reviewed
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5.0 Perfect
4.5 Excellent
4.0 Very Good
3.5 Good
3.0 Fair
2.5 Weak
2.0 Poor
1.5 Bad
1.0 Terrible
0.5 Atrocious
0.0 Your Mom

Funkmaster V Reviews

7800 Rank: Unranked

Genre: Multi Directional Shooter

Awards: None
Let Go Of My Snacks... These are NA-chos!!! (Not yours~~~) Pros: Great Two Player Co-op/ Whimiscal Gameplay
Cons: Fake Vector Graphics/ Game Can Get Old Quick
I Got Nacho Jokes For Days, You Azz.

Overview: Ever since I got the Atari Ultimate Dual Fight Stick with Trackball from Micro Center (say that three times fast), I have been addicted to playing vector graphic arcade games. And Rip-Off scratches that itch just fine. Here we have another arcade port that the "Savior of the Overlooked Video Game", Bob Decrescenzo (Pac-Man Plus) decided to muscle over to the Prosystem. Rip Off is a vector game from
Cinematronics. Much like Atari, Cinematronics was a company that produced several vector games in the early 80's... like Star Castle, for one. In this game, your wife makes a friggin sweet Nacho Del Grande platter. Her Nachos are so tasty in fact, that you pridefully lay them out for your neighbors to see. Foolish boy. You live in a crappy part of town, but who knew your neighbors were pirates who have a shit ton of tanks at their disposal? Text your cooky best friend who lives next door, tell him to grab his tank... because those bastards are coming for your Super Bowl snacks and they have hatred in their eyes and growling in their guts.

Graphics: The 7800 struggles with rendering fake vector graphics. Even Atari's flagship game, Asteroids, was changed from a vector graphics title into a bowl of kid cereal/ space rocks looking get up when they ported it to the 7800. Bob tagged out on doing the graphics on this one. His buddy (could they be related?) Pac Man Red drew up the tanks, bullets and nachos in a single night. It's not a bad effort, but still... you know... it looks nice but you know it's fake... like plastic boobs. The biggest demerit here comes when comparing the arcade's explosions to the 7800's. The arcade machine features amazing explosions... vector graphic games always do. But here... bean fart.

Sound: There is very minimal sound in the arcade version, and the same can be said for the 7800 port. Possibly some funk rock or hip hop tunes could have spiced up the atmosphere, but apparently you didn't have time to press play on the ghetto blaster before the pirates started knocking down your back yard fence with their GD tanks.

Gameplay: This is touted as the "world's first multiplayer co-op game". Well... isn't that special? It's true though! You alone or you and a buddy can fight the hungry pirates in their search for fake Mexican cuisine. The controls on the 7800 version are similar to the 7800's Asteroids, funny enough. Left and Right spin the tank, up moves us forward, and there is one button for firing. You can use a 2600 controller for this one, if your heart desires. In an interesting twist, we have unlimited tanks. Sometimes a good strategy is just ramming an enemy tank to destroy it if we cant quite get a bead on it. They are coming for them nachos, son, and if they drag one off the screen, its gone for good. If a nacho carrying a-hole is shot down, he drops the snack food and it is momentarily safe, but it is now resting in the yard, and can never be returned to the bowl next to the guac. Prodigal son nachos change the gameplay quite a bit by changing in the angles and attack patterns of your hungry neighbors, so no game is technically the same. If you and your whacky sit-com neighbor do well enough, you will complete rounds and earn bonus points. The Pirates increase in speed, firepower, and number as the game progresses. The game ends when there are no more nachos, and you guys have to order Domino's for your football snack. Oh, the humanity.

Interpretation: This is another well made port from Bob. This also boasts the best menu screen of the three versions of Rip-Off that I have played. That means something... right? The only qualm I have is that the graphics aren't quite right, but he can't do anything about that. The Vectrex version has a cooler looking player tank: it looks like a space boomerang, but the enemy tanks are much smaller and harder to hit. Still, the Prosystem port is overall superior to even that competent version.

Value: The Atari 7800 is slowly becoming the system of friendship. There are tons of excellent co-op games in the library: Rikki & Vikki, Centipede, Double Dragon, Ikari Warriors, Frenzy, just to name a few. Rip Off is right there. There are three difficulty options and the ability to play with one or two players.

Overall: OK, truth time. Rip-Off is not about your wife's nachos. I don't know what those damned triangles are. I don't know who is in the second tank. There is no Domino's Pizza coming and there's no Super Bowl Party. I don't know if the pirates are even hungry... I lied... OK? All I know, God-Jammit, is that we love these triangles and we will crash 1000 tanks until the break of dawn to defend them. This is a little, likeable diversion that feels more like a Mario Party style mini-game than a full blown on title. Gamers on a budget may want to hold onto their buxx for games that will consume more of their free time... because as much as I like Rip-Off, I never play this thing for more than 5-10 minutes in a sitting. That being said, the box art is friggin sweet and looks good on a shelf. Put it next to the elf. I'm gonna get some nachos. Que tengas un buen dia!

Additional Info: I would like to take this time to thank Atari Age for allowing the use of their screenshots for this review.